Looking through an old notebook, I rediscovered my driving force. I panicked through this month because the reasons why I had to work so hard for certain aspects of life no longer made sense to me… but, at the coffee shop earlier, I saw something I wrote last October.
“Your job is to do your very best in
every opportunity you say yes to.
You have to push and delve – or it won’t count. And you have to make it count.
You have to make the best of this life. All or nothing.
Always All or Nothing.”read more
I guess I’m tired. And the once-rare feelings known as failure and rejection have been coming around more often, in the aspects of my life that I have chosen to neglect. I used to be able to get away with not caring but, now it seems much harder to do that. Maybe because we’re all getting older and there’s more at stake, and everyone’s standards are getting higher and everyone else is getting better. I don’t know. But, this is a good thing. A new challenge. Another opportunity to push myself even more than I already do.
The thing is, I really just want to do what I love. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. And that is my problem.
Anyway, I ended up drawing inspiration from the way I felt the whole day – overwhelmed with my thoughts. Haha. There have just been way too many things going on in my head recently. After the whole thing, I took a good look at the piece and man… that’s how it looked like in my head. Haha. I integrated two anonymous quotes into the artwork.
“A man lives inside his head. That’s where the seed of his soul is.” and “I need solitude to empty my mind of people; I need people to empty my mind of me.”
Manila is beautiful at 5:00 in the morning. When 2016 started, one of my resolutions was to sleep earlier and wake up earlier. I would go to bed at 10:00 PM and wake up at 5:00 AM before anyone else in the house was up. Those few hours spent by myself made my days slower and more focused – and I totally loved it. Of course, as the weeks passed, life got in the way of my morning routine and it has been so long since I got to have that perfectly placed seven hours of sleep. But, that’s fine.read more